Hit The Road Jack!

In this post, I will mark the occasion of Project Orion II's triumph over the Sando Aqua Monster on all fronts.  This post is inspired by an oldie from the 1950s written and performed by Ray Charles called Hit The Road Jack!  It will start with a forceful argument that Jack Impcus says the Seamour the Colo Claw Fish.  Jack is highly effemophobic and freaks out everytime he sees an effeminate creature, especially when he sees a Colo Claw Fish who is 100% feminine with not a smidgen of masculinity in them.  Seamour is ultra effeminate and is very touchy feely and he is devoid of any "manly" traits since he is so relaxed and totally at peace.  Jack's son; Freddie Impcus (a.k.a. Mr. FTL or Faster-Than-Light-Freddie, or FTL Boy) is a fool who keeps insisting on FTL drive and refuses to learn the equations that prove that FTL doesn't work.  Seamour is highly educated and knows that FTL is impossible.

Appeal to Force (Argumentum ad Baculum): Meaning argument of the "stick" or the "CUDGEL"!

One day Mr FTL went to a pier in one of Seamour's most frequent coastal haunts and he saw Seamour.  Freddie said, "Seamour; my names is Freddie Impcus, I am scxared of all of those Einsteiniacs who are in complete control of astronomy and aerospace.  Those FTL-hating goons would bar anyone who appreciates faster-than-light travel from fields such as physics, astronomy, and even aerospace.  The Speed Of Light Empire lead by the two theoretical despots of Albert and Henry is oppressing poor FTL boys like me.  Those "mathematical equations" that the Lightspeed Empire tries to "teach" me are just scientific edicts solely designed to restrict any FTL freedoms."  Seamour replied, "Freddie, there you go being a fool.  First of all, there is no such thing as "theoretical despots", "Einsteiniacs", or the "Speed Of Light Empire", I have heard that you blather on about them on a daily basis and ti is getting really annoying.  The reason that you are not allowed into astronomy or aerospace is because you insist on handwavium wishful thinking.  Albert and Henry are not dictators, they are just trying to describe the universe.  The equations that you fear are facts, not edicts."  Mr FTL replied, "Seamour, you are a full-fledged Einsteiniac and a member of the Speed Of Light Empire because you too are trying to take away my FTL freedoms!  If you keep telling me that FTL sucks, I will summon a Sando Aqua Monster to eat you for LUNCH!  The Sando Aqua Monster torturing and eating you will strike fear into the hearts of all other Einsteiniacs and the send shock and fright throughout the entire Lightspeed Empire."  Seamour said, "Mr FTL, I will not give into your appeal to force and will keep telling you reality.  The reason that an object cannot travel at or beyond the speed of light is 1) you mass increases as you get closer to lightspeed, 2) time slows down as you accelerate closer to the speed of light, and 3) your length contracts as you approach c.  The speed of light is the cosmic speed limit."  FTL's dad, Jack Impcus, ceme at that time and was flipping out over Seamour's feminine energy.

Jack said, "Seamour the Colo Claw Fish, I order you to stop being so effeminate, you are a sissy eel, I HATE your girly fins and your womanish belly.  I also HATE your eyelashes and lipstick, it shows how much of a milksop eel you truly are.  All guys have to be manly and ready to fight and be firmed up, not have floppy fins let alone flirt them.  If you don't do as I say girly eel and continue to be a sissy, I will summon a Sando Aqua Monster and he will torture you and eat you for LUNCH!  If the Sando Aqua Monster forces you to stop being such a pansy eel, then that proves that manliness is the beat way of life ever!"  Seamour rebelled against the Ad Baculum and said, "Jack, I refuse to give into your appeal to force and will continue to be totally womanish.  An appeal to force is an informal logical fallacy in which the arguer threatens the persuadee that unpleasant consequences will follow if they do not accept the conclusion.  This is illogical because the threat of force does not necessarily prove the conclusion to be correct.  Your threat of the Sando Aqua Monster does not prove that manliness is glorious or that I should stop acting like a girl.  I love acting like a girl and the reason I act like a girl is to bring peace and to end wars.  Manliness can be harmful and can fuel wars."  Jack exploded, "Colo Claw Pansy, how dare you defy me and vow to keep on acting like a girl, you are now doomed as Sando chow!  Sando Aqua Monster, I have a freaky Colo Claw Fish who insists on acting like a girl despite my glorious force argument!"  Mr FTL said, "Einsteiniac Eel, your fate has been sealed and your doom will signal the end of the tyrannical Speed Of Light Empire.  Dad, you are my hero."  A Sando Aqua Monster came and said, "Seamour, I am more than eager to torture you, bite you in two, and eat you for lunch, you are so doomed since you chose to act like a girl despite the manly Jack telling you to stop and tried to take away Mr FTL's freedom to go faster-than-light.  Come to me my eel prey so I can rip you in half and eat you!  Haw haw ha ha ha he he he he!"  This Sando Aqua Monster incident did not go unnoticed by Majel Nichols who was already having so many problems with Jack such as his Andross obsession and Halo fixation.

As it turned out, Majel Nichols had sufficient Sando Aqua Monster repellent and she used it to protect Seymour from the Sando Aqua Monster.  Majel shouted, "Take that Sando Aqua Vermin, leave the Colo Claw Fish alone, he is under my protection!"  The Sando Aqua Monster got snorting attacks to the point of leaving.  Seamour said, "Thank you Majel Nichols for saving my life from Jack and Mr FTL's Sando Aqua Monster."  For Majel Nichols, this Sando Aqua Monster threat aimed at Seamour the Colo Claw Fish was the last straw for her with regards to Jack.  Majel Nichols shouted, "Jack, how dare you threaten that Colo Claw Fish just because he acts like a girl.  I want you to pack up your stuff and leave right now and never come back here ever again!  Take your foolsih son with you too, I am suck and tired of putting up with his FTL nonsense too."  Then Majel sang this song in the video to Jack.

Fox McCloud from Team Star Fox was also there when this Sando incident occurred.  Majel said, "Fox McCloud, follow Jack's truck in your Arwing and make sure he never turns back as he and his FTL Brat leave.  I was barely able to save the life of Seamour the Colo Claw Fish from that Sando Aqua Monster that Jack called."  Fox said, "My pleasure Majel.  Jack and Freddie, you are leaving and I will supervise you in order to make sure that you leave. and never come back.  Seamour, I feel sorry for you that Jack and his son intimidated you with the Sando Aqua Monster."  Jack and Mr FTL packed up their stuff and left in his truck, which had a chute that was pointed skyward.

As Fox followed Jack, he saw objects that resembled flat briefcases being chucked up at his Arwing.  One of the few objects hit Fox's cockpit and revealed disgusting contents such as earthworms, slugs, snails, and roaches.  Fox contacted Jack and asked, "Jack, are you launching briefcases with gross contents at me?"  Jack responded, "Yes I am McCloud, the briefcases that you are referring to are called Jack Meals.  My Jack Meals will gross up your Arwing and make the great Emperor Andross very proud of my Chevy."  Fox replied, "Jack, do i have to report you for littery, this is not only aggressive, it is also littering since it is leaving trash on the ground by default.  I bet that some clean up crews or someone is going to have to pick up those Jack Meals of yours that you are firing at me."  Fox followed Jack and Freddie until he was far enough away from Seamour and Majel.