In this post I will show a few characters who instantly remind me of the Sando Aqua Monster.
Jabba the Hutt (Star Wars)
The only major Star Wars character that I can liken Sando Aqua Monsters to is Jabba the Hutt but below are a few non-Star Wars characters who remind me of the Sando. Jabba is a gangster and bully and he is as much of a thugilicious bully as the Sando Aqua Monster. Here is the really stirred up thing, Jabba is a villain whilst the Sando is a protagonist! Now I will explain why Gaston, the Hyenas, Biff Tannen, Khan Noonian Singh, and Miles Quaritch, and George Walker Bush are just like the Sando Aqua Menace.
Gaston (Beauty And The Beast)
Gaston is a classic bully who wants to force Belle to marry him against her will. Gaston is extremely thugilicious, egotistical, narcissistic, cruel, controlling, arrogant, and bragging about how great he is.
Shenzi, Banzai, & Ed (The Lion King)
This hyena trio were bullies who love picking on Timon. I remember not liking this trio and loving to hate them for their cruelty towards Timon the Meerkat. The Sando Aqua Monster instantly reminds me of those three thugilicious hyenas from The Lion King.
Biff Tannen (Back To The Future)
Biff is a Hill Valley bully who loved to attack Marty McFly because he is jealous of Marty regarding Doc Brown's Deloran. This guy's favorite pejorative is the word "butt head" and he frequently sprays that word a lot.
Khan Noonian Singh (Star Trek)
The one Star Trek character who is just like a Sando Aqua Monster is ex-dictator Khan Noonian Singh from the Star Trek TOS episode "Space Seed" and its motion picture sequel Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan.
Colonel Miles Quaritch (Avatar)
Colonel Miles Quaritch is the head of security at Hell's Gate on Pandora and he was a military bully. Miles was tenacious, cruel, warlike, violent, and forceful. I love to hate this character too for his predilection for militarism. Avatar is now my number one all-time favorite movie that was ever made to date.
George Walker Bush (real life)
One real person who instantly reminds me of Sando Aqua Monsters is the 43rd president of the United States, George. George invaded Iraq in an attempt to finish what his dad started despite international disapproval of that asinine war. George used to put little firecrackers or bombs in frogs and blow them apart when he was a child, this is NOT a joke!
David Parker Ray (real life)
Another real individual who was just like Sando Aqua Monsters was a sexual sadist and serial killer named David Parker Ray who lived in Truth Or Consequences New Mexico. DPR tortured young women for his own sadistic amusement and even filmed it on VHS Tapes. He had a custom made trailer that was also a torture chamber which he called the "Toy Box". DPR died of a heart attack just before the first day of his sentence.
Captain Chantal DuBois (Madagascar 3)
UPDATE: A contemporary 2012 character who instantly reminds me of the Sando Aqua Monster is Captain Chantal DuBois from Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted who is extremely cruel in her profession.
Now I will talk about a CHEATING tactic known as Moving the Goalposts!
Definition: A unfair cheating tactic in which someone suddenly changes the original standards of proof once their opponent as met them. This is a desperate means of claiming victory when one has clearly lost the debate. This is not only illogical, this is CHEATING!
Sando wankers when confronted with the overwhelming evidence that their mascot is guaranteed to be beaten in fights with Godzilla or the Cloverfield beast create fantasies about the Sando Aqua Monster becoming a Jedi knight. And one good sample is this Star Wars Artist Guild (SWAG)) image by a Sando fan girl known as Tussy.
A Sando lover said to have a fight between Godzilla and the Jedi Master Sando pictured above to have a clash of the use of force vs the "Force". Unfortunately for those losers, Godzilla will still beat the Sando Aqua Jedi in a fight since his fiery breath is much wider than the Sando Jedi's light saber. That light saber would only block a fraction of Godzilla's breath where the rest is free to bypass the light saber and burn up the Sando. And the Jedi mind trick would be useless against Godzilla too since Godzilla is strong minded. So the winner as it turns out would be Godzilla, no contest.
The Sando Aqua Jedi was a goalpost move against the fact that the Cloverfield beast would shred the Sando in a fight. Cloverfield will still win the fight against a Jedi Master Sando. The massive long frontal arms can reach out and easily grab the Sando Aqua Jedi in the arm holding the light saber and get it out of the Sando's hand and perhaps use it against the Sando Jedi. The long frontal arms give Cloverfield a distance advantage over the Sando Aqua Monster. In my previous post I give reasons why the Cloverfield beast would defeat the Sando Aqua Monster. And the winner is my flagship leviathan from Cloverfield, hands down.
Cloverfield Leviathan
My favorite images of Cloverfield (above) and the Sando Aqua Monster (below) of all time.
Hello, this is Project Orion II's Chief Designer and I just have to post this because on a forum when I posted a thread that explains the unquestionable Cloverfield victory over the Sando Aqua Monster, some Sando Aqua Lovers used apologetics and certain logical fallacies. But I know for a FACT that my flagship leviathan will win regardless of what the Sando fans say. I LOVE the Cloverfield giant! In this post I will be talking about desperate Ad Hoc Reasoning.
Ad Hoc Reasoning
Definition: A logical fallacy in which after one's position has been refuted, they look for things to to try and make their shot down argument appear valid. This is fallacious because making a defeated argument appear valid does not change the fact that it is invalid in reality.
The following sample was by a Sando wanker going by the pseudonym of "Splatter Cat" who claimed that it was "Proof that the Sando Aqua Monster responds to the Force."
And the above image is EXACTLY WHY I want the glorious Cloverfield leviathan to destroy the abominable Sando Aqua Monster in an animal face-off and is a major reason as to why I am an atheist. And why did this sadistic act turn me into an atheist some of you might ask me, let me explain. The evil Sando tortured that poor eel in the name of the Force since the Jedi in the Bongo had the Force guide them to the point of endangering the Colo Claw for no good reason whatsoever and that is just like the SPANISH INQUISITION! I am also an atheist because of the real ills of religion such as the crusades, aforementioned Spanish Inquisition, holocaust, witch hunts, homophobia, 9/11, stupidity, willful ignorance, etc. I say, "Summon the Cloverfield Beast!"
Splatter Cat's pathetic Ad Hoc Reasoning does not change the fact that the mighty Cloverfield animal will win the fight. I did research on the two clashing predators before predetermining the outcome. The Cloverfield beast is about TWICE the length of the Sando and is wider than the Sando is long with the frontal arms outstretched. Cloverfield was bombed TWICE and survived blasts that would have otherwise decimated a Sando Aqua Monster and remained relatively uninjured from such attacks. The 160-200m Sando was a full grown adult while this animal despite being bigger than Sando was only an infant/juvenile. This animal probably has Bucky balls in its skin and nanotubes in its bones etc. It can punch through entire steel structures with ease. Plus it has parasites that drop off by the hundreds at any one given time that only one of them biting a human can cause a human to explode. Hundreds of these dog-sized parasites would seriously injure a Sando Aqua Monster. Face it, the Cloverfield behemoth has the ultimate advantage over its Sando Aqua Opponent. The Cloverfield creature despite being a baby is thousands of years old, older the the precious 6,000 years that creationist zombies such as NephilimFree like to believe is the age of Earth and the Universe. The Sando can only live about one century while the Cloverfield species matures slowly into deep time and has a staggeringly long lifespan. Plus I am convinced that the Cloverfield animal can perform interstellar travel via some sort of warp drive which the Sando cannot do. At last I will have my REVENGE against the Sando Aqua Menace!
Cloverfield Specs:
Total Length: 365.8 meters
Maximum Width (arms outstretched): 225.6 meters
Height: 153 meters
Above is an Audio Surf video to the mood song for the looming Cloverfield victory over the Sando Aqua Monster: Time Is Running Out ~ Muse
I have just figured out that had I done what I should have done in 1999 following the release of Star Wars Episode I as early as late May that year, that I would have envisioned the Sandworms of Dune swallowing Sando Aqua Monsters as payback for torturing and eating Colo Claw Fish. The reason why I did not do what I should have done regarding the Sando in 1999 was because I had my stuff rudely taken away in an effort to foist Star Wars onto me which is a long story that will not be discussed in this particular post. However, I had some indecision on whether or not to proceed with Shai-Hulud swallowing Sando due the to possibility of Christophrenic messages in Dune. So I weighed the pros and cons and found out that it was four to one in favor, hence this specific blog entry. The Sandworms in Dune were another part of my childhood and my favorite part of that entire film was the clip featured in the video below. I would much rather watch that Sandrider segment of Dune in which Paul Muad'dib rides a gigantic Sandworm that the TPM underwater scene in which a Sando Aqua Monster bites a Colo Claw Fish in half any day!
If a Sando Aqua Monster and an Arrakis Sandworm were to clash, the Sandworm would win for the following reasons. First of all, Sando Aqua Monsters are 160-200 meters in total body length while Arakkis Sandworms can grow up to a whopping 450 meters in body length. Plus Sandworms have a maw that is 80 meters wide, wide enough to swallow a Sando Aqua Monster. Sandworms are attracted to loud thumping noises and if the Sando wee to walk on Arrakis, it would most certainly walk in rhythm and make loud thumping noises that would attract Shai-Hulud to get it the exact same way as that spice harvester from another segment of Dune.
I also should have used the Jupiter "Floaters" and "Hunters" from Carl Sagan's Cosmos against the Sando Aqua Monster, but did not since I had them taken away before TPM opened in theaters. The Jovian floaters are vast living hot-air balloons envisioned to be kilometers across and vastly larger than any Sando Aqua Monster, beings the size of cities. The hunters are smaller winged predators that feed on the floaters. The floaters were featured in the conclusion of chapter/episode 2 of Cosmos called "One Voice In The Cosmic Fugue" and is one of my favorite parts in Cosmos. Had I not had my floaters taken away, I would have mentally escaped from the TPM underwater scene to the Jupiter alien life caption in Cosmos definitely taking Colo Claw Fish with me.
Jupiter "Floaters" and "Hunters" (Cosmos)
Colo Claw Fish
Taking away Project Orion II from me in 1999 (especially from Sunday, March 21 until Sunday, August 8 that year) coupled with indecision on my part is at the very heart of the matter as to why I did not do what I am doing in this entry when I should have done it in 1999.
In this post, I will talk about why the awesome Team Star Fox is victorious over any Sando Aqua Monster on all fronts. Star Fox is my favorite story featuring starfighters, anthro animals are fine by me, I am color blind to such difference as Gene Roddenberry was. I definitely prefer Star Fox over Star Wars any day.
Team Star Fox Symbol
Star Fox is a Nintendo video game series that was first started in the year 1993 during the time of the Super Nintendo (SNES). The Original Star Fox video game did not have the Team Star Fox Mothersip known as the Great Fox. The seeds of the Great Fox were sewn in a Star Fox 2 video game that was designed for the SNES, but was probably cancelled due to the introduction of the Nintendo 64 by 1996. Star Fox 64 was the first Star Fox video game to fully feature the Great Fox. There were other Star Fox videos games that came after for the later Nintendo Gamecube called Star Fox Adventures (2002) and Star Fox Assault (2005). The main villains of Star Fox include the Emperor Andross and the Aparoid Queen. There were a few Star Fox games created after Star Fox Assault. Now that I have told you a little bit about Star Fox, I will tell you about exactly why Team Star Fox will defeat any Sando Aqua Monster (including Force sensitive Sandos and Sando Aqua Jedi Knights).
First of all, Arwings can fly while the Sando Aqua Jedi cannot even fly. Secondly, Arwings are both a lot faster and far more maneuverable than any Sando Aqua Monster could be in their dreams. Thirdly, Arwings have deflector shields that take many hits before going down, it is very obvious that Sando Aqua Monsters have no deflector shields. An Arwing's lasers realistically should move at the speed of light unless they are high-yield plasma, which in that case would go close to the speed of light. Either way, the Sando Aqua Jedi has no time ot react. Arwings also carry smart nova bombs that do serious damage and are capable of killing any Sando Aqua Monster in one go. The Great Fox's two massive turrets can even blasy entire asteroids with only one shot; therefore, would overpower and crush the Sando Aqua Jedi that Tussy created in one shot. Fox McCloud's piloting prowess is unmatched. The Force will not be able to save the Sando Aqua Jedi since it is utter bollocks and the creation of SICK brains along with Zombie Jesus. It is not possible for that Jedi Sando Aqua Monster to defeat Team Star Fox for the obvious reasons that I have stated.
I am angry at the Sando Aqua Monster for torturing and eating Colo Claw Fish. I have strong feelings in favor of protecting Colo Claw Fish and I am a staunch Colo Claw Fish protector. I consider it a felony to kill Colo Claw Fish. The Sando Aqua Criminal is proven guilty beyond all measure when charged with the horrendous crime of biting Colo Claw Fish in two and eating them. Sando Aqua Monsters are CRIMINALS!
Great Fox: Rigged to be used as a Colo Claw Fish transport
Arwing
Versus
Tussy's Sando Aqua Jedi
The moral of this post is that it is wrong to eat certain things and it is a FACT that it is wrong to eat Colo Claw Fish.
In this post, I will mark the occasion of Project Orion II's triumph over the Sando Aqua Monster on all fronts. This post is inspired by an oldie from the 1950s written and performed by Ray Charles called Hit The Road Jack! It will start with a forceful argument that Jack Impcus says the Seamour the Colo Claw Fish. Jack is highly effemophobic and freaks out everytime he sees an effeminate creature, especially when he sees a Colo Claw Fish who is 100% feminine with not a smidgen of masculinity in them. Seamour is ultra effeminate and is very touchy feely and he is devoid of any "manly" traits since he is so relaxed and totally at peace. Jack's son; Freddie Impcus (a.k.a. Mr. FTL or Faster-Than-Light-Freddie, or FTL Boy) is a fool who keeps insisting on FTL drive and refuses to learn the equations that prove that FTL doesn't work. Seamour is highly educated and knows that FTL is impossible.
Appeal to Force (Argumentum ad Baculum): Meaning argument of the "stick" or the "CUDGEL"!
One day Mr FTL went to a pier in one of Seamour's most frequent coastal haunts and he saw Seamour. Freddie said, "Seamour; my names is Freddie Impcus, I am scxared of all of those Einsteiniacs who are in complete control of astronomy and aerospace. Those FTL-hating goons would bar anyone who appreciates faster-than-light travel from fields such as physics, astronomy, and even aerospace. The Speed Of Light Empire lead by the two theoretical despots of Albert and Henry is oppressing poor FTL boys like me. Those "mathematical equations" that the Lightspeed Empire tries to "teach" me are just scientific edicts solely designed to restrict any FTL freedoms." Seamour replied, "Freddie, there you go being a fool. First of all, there is no such thing as "theoretical despots", "Einsteiniacs", or the "Speed Of Light Empire", I have heard that you blather on about them on a daily basis and ti is getting really annoying. The reason that you are not allowed into astronomy or aerospace is because you insist on handwavium wishful thinking. Albert and Henry are not dictators, they are just trying to describe the universe. The equations that you fear are facts, not edicts." Mr FTL replied, "Seamour, you are a full-fledged Einsteiniac and a member of the Speed Of Light Empire because you too are trying to take away my FTL freedoms! If you keep telling me that FTL sucks, I will summon a Sando Aqua Monster to eat you for LUNCH! The Sando Aqua Monster torturing and eating you will strike fear into the hearts of all other Einsteiniacs and the send shock and fright throughout the entire Lightspeed Empire." Seamour said, "Mr FTL, I will not give into your appeal to force and will keep telling you reality. The reason that an object cannot travel at or beyond the speed of light is 1) you mass increases as you get closer to lightspeed, 2) time slows down as you accelerate closer to the speed of light, and 3) your length contracts as you approach c. The speed of light is the cosmic speed limit." FTL's dad, Jack Impcus, ceme at that time and was flipping out over Seamour's feminine energy.
Jack said, "Seamour the Colo Claw Fish, I order you to stop being so effeminate, you are a sissy eel, I HATE your girly fins and your womanish belly. I also HATE your eyelashes and lipstick, it shows how much of a milksop eel you truly are. All guys have to be manly and ready to fight and be firmed up, not have floppy fins let alone flirt them. If you don't do as I say girly eel and continue to be a sissy, I will summon a Sando Aqua Monster and he will torture you and eat you for LUNCH! If the Sando Aqua Monster forces you to stop being such a pansy eel, then that proves that manliness is the beat way of life ever!" Seamour rebelled against the Ad Baculum and said, "Jack, I refuse to give into your appeal to force and will continue to be totally womanish. An appeal to force is an informal logical fallacy in which the arguer threatens the persuadee that unpleasant consequences will follow if they do not accept the conclusion. This is illogical because the threat of force does not necessarily prove the conclusion to be correct. Your threat of the Sando Aqua Monster does not prove that manliness is glorious or that I should stop acting like a girl. I love acting like a girl and the reason I act like a girl is to bring peace and to end wars. Manliness can be harmful and can fuel wars." Jack exploded, "Colo Claw Pansy, how dare you defy me and vow to keep on acting like a girl, you are now doomed as Sando chow! Sando Aqua Monster, I have a freaky Colo Claw Fish who insists on acting like a girl despite my glorious force argument!" Mr FTL said, "Einsteiniac Eel, your fate has been sealed and your doom will signal the end of the tyrannical Speed Of Light Empire. Dad, you are my hero." A Sando Aqua Monster came and said, "Seamour, I am more than eager to torture you, bite you in two, and eat you for lunch, you are so doomed since you chose to act like a girl despite the manly Jack telling you to stop and tried to take away Mr FTL's freedom to go faster-than-light. Come to me my eel prey so I can rip you in half and eat you! Haw haw ha ha ha he he he he!" This Sando Aqua Monster incident did not go unnoticed by Majel Nichols who was already having so many problems with Jack such as his Andross obsession and Halo fixation.
As it turned out, Majel Nichols had sufficient Sando Aqua Monster repellent and she used it to protect Seymour from the Sando Aqua Monster. Majel shouted, "Take that Sando Aqua Vermin, leave the Colo Claw Fish alone, he is under my protection!" The Sando Aqua Monster got snorting attacks to the point of leaving. Seamour said, "Thank you Majel Nichols for saving my life from Jack and Mr FTL's Sando Aqua Monster." For Majel Nichols, this Sando Aqua Monster threat aimed at Seamour the Colo Claw Fish was the last straw for her with regards to Jack. Majel Nichols shouted, "Jack, how dare you threaten that Colo Claw Fish just because he acts like a girl. I want you to pack up your stuff and leave right now and never come back here ever again! Take your foolsih son with you too, I am suck and tired of putting up with his FTL nonsense too." Then Majel sang this song in the video to Jack.
Fox McCloud from Team Star Fox was also there when this Sando incident occurred. Majel said, "Fox McCloud, follow Jack's truck in your Arwing and make sure he never turns back as he and his FTL Brat leave. I was barely able to save the life of Seamour the Colo Claw Fish from that Sando Aqua Monster that Jack called." Fox said, "My pleasure Majel. Jack and Freddie, you are leaving and I will supervise you in order to make sure that you leave. and never come back. Seamour, I feel sorry for you that Jack and his son intimidated you with the Sando Aqua Monster." Jack and Mr FTL packed up their stuff and left in his truck, which had a chute that was pointed skyward.
As Fox followed Jack, he saw objects that resembled flat briefcases being chucked up at his Arwing. One of the few objects hit Fox's cockpit and revealed disgusting contents such as earthworms, slugs, snails, and roaches. Fox contacted Jack and asked, "Jack, are you launching briefcases with gross contents at me?" Jack responded, "Yes I am McCloud, the briefcases that you are referring to are called Jack Meals. My Jack Meals will gross up your Arwing and make the great Emperor Andross very proud of my Chevy." Fox replied, "Jack, do i have to report you for littery, this is not only aggressive, it is also littering since it is leaving trash on the ground by default. I bet that some clean up crews or someone is going to have to pick up those Jack Meals of yours that you are firing at me." Fox followed Jack and Freddie until he was far enough away from Seamour and Majel.
In the previous post, I mentioned Tussy and her Sando Aqua Jedi artwork found on Star Wars Artists' Guild (SWAG). In this post, you will see an image of that exact same Sando Aqua Jedi that Tussy drew out of sheer affection for the abominable creatures. This post will have Tussy's Sando Jedi up against a more formidable and very famous opponent in outer space, the Starship Enterprise from the glorious Star Trek! In this scenario, the USS Enterprise will be assigned to protect Colo Claw Fish from that Jedi Sando Aqua Terrorist. Scotty would get an all-day erection from the sight of a Colo Claw Fish's sexy eel-like body. The Sando Aqua Jedi teases Scotty by calling the USS Enterpise a "junk bucket" just to piss him off. The Sando Aqua Jedi senses that the Enterprise is Scotty's baby and that he takes care of that ship. Scotty as usual when confronted with such insults directed at the Enterprise explodes and screams at the top of his lungs at the much larger Sando Aqua Monster. James T Kirk too is very furious with the Sando Aqua Jedi and wants to defeat him. The deluded leviathan thinks that is imaginary friend called the "Force" will actually protect him from his more powerful Star Trek opponent. But as you will see, the Sando Aqua Terrorist will be in for the ultimate shock because of the simple fact of life that reality always wins. Tussy, I am an atheist; meaning someone who is mentally healthy, and that is why I know that the Force is bollocks not unlike schizophrenia. Tussy, I strongly recommend that you watch the Star Trek TOS episode "Who Mourns For Adonais". The word "adonai" means things like god and anointed one. There is no such thing as God or the Force, and belief in God or the Force for example is what I fondly refer to as "adonaiphrenia" since religion is basically organized schizophrenia. Watch Dr Sapolsky's lecture on religion and check out Calpurnpiso's Philosophy for more information. Gene Roddenberry was another great atheist who in "Who Mourns For Adonais" was calling all christophrenics and other adonaiphrenics the deluded nuts that they are! This post will be calling adonaiphreni (including Christophrenia and the Force) deluded nuts in the guise of science fiction too. Tussy, you are DELUDED NUTS for believing in the Force just like all of those Christophrena-infected imbeciles are for believing is ressurrected zombies that save with blood such as Zombie Jesus.
Starship Enterprise
Versus
Tussy's Asinine Fantasy: Jedi Sando Aqua Monster
The USS Enterprise operates in outer space while the Sando Aqua Jedi cannot even fly! The USS Enterprise carries photon torpedoes and phaser banks, the Sando Jedi only has a large lightsaber that can block some shots (assuming that they move slower than bullets), which will obviously not be the case for realistic reasons. The USS Enterprise uses Alcubierre Drive; commonly known as warp drive, and deflector shields as well. The Sando Aqua Jedi would be helplessly outgunned, outmatched, and outperformed by the USS Enterprise. The winner is obvious, the USS Enterprise wins, no contest. The "Force" will not do the Sando Aqua Jedi any good against a fully equipped starship opponent since it is just hokey superstition.
